Striking a Balance

Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. I do that every day. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength. It shows you have the courage to admit when you don’t know something, and to learn something new.

-Barack Obama

On Thursday morning our car does not start. We live about ten minutes from school by car. It is one hour before the start of the first bell.  We do not have an Uber account yet because our clave (password) on our Chilean credit card is not set up. I look outside and Rich has lifted up the hood and is trying to work on the car. I open my phone and call a friend. She says the four of can all squeeze in her car and that she will pick us up in five minutes. 

This situation is an epiphany for me. When I am in a tough situation, I think about my sources of support and ask for help. When Rich is in a challenging spot, he rolls up his sleeves and goes at it alone. Actually, this is probably a reason why we make a good couple. Rich has developed some incredible skills, and I have a network. Together we are self-reliant and connected to others. We also remind each other when to be a little more independent or that we should ask for help. 

At school, after contacting human resources and using a reference from friends in our office, I have two offers for mechanics ready to come to school, pick up my car keys, and go to the house to work on the car. I choose one of them; and by three o’clock, we came home to a perfectly functioning car. The mechanic has picked up the keys, tested the battery, purchased a replacement, installed it, and left the keys with our nanny.  

 Later, Rich shares that he really did not think that he would be able to fix the car, but that it never dawned on him to reach out and ask for help. There are many times when Rich’s problem solving skills are incredibly life saving ie.. changing a tire on a dark highway, putting together furniture from Wayfair, or figuring out any electronic device.  And Rich has proven countless times that duct tape and dental floss can nearly solve any engineering problem. However, here in Santiago there is no way that life can be navigated without explicit help from others. This week alone I will need help getting a document notarized, ordering a gas water heater califont, finding a skateboard for Mia’s birthday present, acquiring the kid’s costumes for Independence day at school, among countless other needs that will emerge daily. There are many other challenges that we have done on our own, like figuring out how to have groceries delivered to the house using an app called Cornershop, building a foosball table, or printing Mia’s colored pictures for her “student of the week” poster at Lider. There are also an endless list of to dos that I have to decide whether to try on our own, ask for help, or decide that they are not priorities this week. Some patio furniture and bbq sure would be nice for the backyard.

Later, when Rich arrives home after the dead battery has been replaced, he calls up Scotiabank and entirely in Spanish sets up his online banking services and the clave for his credit card; then he coaches me to set up the clave for my credit card in Spanish. So for the next emergency, we have Uber, too. We are successfully striking the balance between asking for help and building our own skills. 

Tonight Max is at a sleepover, his first. His Belgian friend, Gaspard, invites eight boys to his 9th birthday. On the way into their home, Max admits to Rich that he has a pit in his stomach because he is so nervous. We tell Max it is okay to come home. If he begins to get homesick, he can ask Gaspard’s mother for help. A few hours later, his mother sends all of us a few pictures of the boys playing Mafia, eating cake, and watching a movie in their sleeping bags. So far, no call to pick him up.  Perhaps our son is learning some independence, too.  Scratch that…I have missed a call from Max. He did ask Gaspard’s mom if he could call us to stay good night. Seems like a good balance to me.